In this article of Money Stress To Money Success, ZOE SLATER, Mental & Emotional Mindset Coach and Counsellor, and CEO of Freedom Choice Academy reminds us ‘It’s not about the MONEY’.
The toughest thing is to admit that you are accountable for your money stress.
The topic I am addressing today is avoidant behaviour and how that causes you money stress.
In no way am I dismissing the hardships of COVID. However, if you were experiencing ‘Money Stress’ before COVID and you don’t get it handled now, your money stress will continue post COVID. True or true!
Get a grip!
The one thing many people do consciously or unconsciously is transform money into some form of avoidant behaviour. Avoidant behaviour here or there is normal but regularly is madness and results in money stress.
The truth – there is something that you buy regularly even when you know, you don’t need it.
When this happens, it becomes your default avoidant behaviour. You’re no longer in control of yourself and the purchase becomes an out of body experience as you watch yourself buy the non-essential item.
This can feel like a manic – depressive purchase, causing minor money stresses to big money stresses or worse becoming an addiction. Let us unpack this further.
What is your go to purchase?
What’s the hardest purchase for you to resist? The non-essentials that make you feel good followed by buyer’s remorse, emotional, financial guilt or perhaps frustrated and annoyed at yourself.
Note: a non-essential is:
- Something you don’t need or
- Have plenty of and more would be hoarding as comfort or security, like the soap example I provided further below.
What is your avoidant purchase?
The following list are examples to provoke thought.
- Chocolate – chips – takeaway
- Gambling or gaming
- Drinks – wine – scotch – sugar drinks
- Clothes – shoes
- Trinkets – crystals – cushions
- Cleaning products.
These non-essentials have become bad habits. They provide brief superficial highs keeping you stuck in a rut and likely avoiding something that really needs your attention. Something that you are too afraid to deal with.
Unfortunately, your short lived avoidant high comforts keep you trapped in a holding pattern.
I’m sure you would prefer the proud natural high instead of the internal negative mind chatter that says you’re a loser, your gutless, you’re not confident enough, feeling ashamed or embarrassed, that turns you into a humiliating joke amongst friends.
I know these words sound harsh but negative mind chatter can be much worse and relentless.
I’m sure you would prefer to make a confident, empowered deliberate choice, coupled with a sense of satisfaction and relief when it’s done. An achievement high that you share proudly with your friends.
Are you ready to look deeper and stop avoiding?
Yes! Great, I want you to pick one of the above listed items or your avoidant purchase, find a journal and write.
Answer the following questions honestly with thought and consideration.
- How do you feel before the purchase?
- What happens to you when you buy this item?
- How much does it cost you and how often do you buy it?
- How do you feel after the purchase?
- What are you avoiding and what would you have preferred to have done?
- What will it mean to you or others if you stop avoiding and do what’s best?
- Are you willing to stop these avoidant purchases for four weeks and observe who you become and how your life will improve? If you need help ring me
Below is an example to help you.
It’s written in first person using soap as the cleaning product, to demonstrate how I want you to write and engage in this process.
- I’m unsettled, anxious, and overwhelmed with lots of thoughts and emotions about stuff and what I’ve got to do.
- When I buy soap, I feel better straight away.
- It’s always pretty soap and smells good. It’s expensive $7.00 a bar x 3 a week, monthly $84
- When I purchase the anxiety disappears and I feel calm… but then then I feel anxious soon after because I have to many bars of soap at home. I’m stuck in a loop, anxious calm – anxious calm. The soap makes me feel clean, pretty and happy in control my immediate environment and away from the environment I’m afraid of and avoiding. But still scared because I know I’m in a cycle of avoidance, I can’t keep buying soap because that’s causing money stress too.
- Time to heal and get help, speak to Zoe, spend the soap money on healing, strengthening my mind and emotions to become confident.
Relieved I’ve stopped buying soap and have the strength to face my fears. My partner will be so proud that I have let go of my past and we can finally move forward and create a beautiful life together.
Life Lessons and Money Lessons are ageless!
A PACT TO ACT! – practice the art of having money success by taking the right action and I assure you; your life will start heading in the right direction.
Keep those questions coming.
Until next month – Turn Your Money Stress into Money Success.
Zoe Slater Counselling and CEO Freedom Choice Academy. Zoe is an Associate Member with the QCA Inc and a member with Australian Counsellors Association.